yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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