There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
