why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
