And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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