I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
