Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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