I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
