remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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