remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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