The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
