Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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