my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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