dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
