We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think your dad took our porno
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
