Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i believe in u and ur pee
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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