Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
