I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
