i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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