This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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