a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
