Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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