If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
