She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he's gonorrhea incarnate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just gargled with NyQuil
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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