Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
