I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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