i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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