what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
