The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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