so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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