the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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