first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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