I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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