foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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