Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
