what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
