Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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