me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
