I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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