It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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