All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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