dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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