you guys were way drunker than both of me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize