you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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