Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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