you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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