I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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