Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
