My pussy is not your playground.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
