Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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