I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
