i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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