my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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