I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
