I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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