fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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