I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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