Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
