I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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