So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize