Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
