My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
