why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
