I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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