just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
