Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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