I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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