i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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