I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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