just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
